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Post by Mickey on Feb 1, 2006 17:06:04 GMT -5
Ok- If I am going to actually work hard and finish this like I so desperatly want to- then I need feedback- so this is a thread where I would like you all to give me constructive critisism...*cringes*this includes grammer.... so yeah I figure Power will be here all the time with my spelling errors.. but hey- thats what editing is for~ Oh- and Chapter One is still undergoing construction because it needs to be (a) longer and (b) fit with my prologue so... My prologue WILL be done and posted by Saturday- I'm promising you. Its all written I just have to do some editing and type it in here. Its good  - Well I think it is anyway- you guys tell me what you think! *braces self* Ok- let me have it! |
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Post by Weirdo/ Taki on Feb 1, 2006 17:53:16 GMT -5
GRAMMAR! GRAMMAR! GRAMMAR!!!!!!  I think..... lemme go check................. "for she did not know whom the prophecy referred to." NOt a grammar error, but i would suggest phrasing it as "to whom the prophecy referred" Wake-up, sat-up You don't need a - between wake/sat and up as if she had run a long ways You don't need an "s" on "way" Erin on the other hand- hated night. Change the - to a comma “-visions” Michele finished her sister’s sentence quietly- Erin had already fallen asleep again. Change the - to a ; I assume the house- which belongs on earth is just visiting or something.” Put a comma after "earth" ” I d not want to fight. I want to find a way to get home. We are quite possibly in grave danger here.” Is it "I'd" or "I do"?  Because you're missing an "o" I would suggest italicizing all thoughts and the letter. and is alike in almost everyway. every way (Erin whispered at the paper-that's not how you spell Phoenix) (Erin whispered at the paper, "That's not how you spell Phoenix,") I contacted you three last night because I believe that you are the one Do you mean "ones"? walk to the right and there is a cottage on the other side of the woods-belongs to one who will help. walk to the right and there is a cottage on the other side of the woods, belonging to one who will help. Erin and Michele gasped at the recognition of their friends name. Erin and Michele gasped in recognition of their friend's name. Other than that, your story KICKS @$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have fun correcting!   |
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Post by Weirdo/ Taki on Feb 1, 2006 20:31:43 GMT -5
AHHH!!!! I LOVE YOUR PROLOUGE!!!! IT'S SOOOO GOOD!!!!
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Post by pink sox on Feb 1, 2006 20:34:19 GMT -5
ur 1st chapter is great, the only thing tht u could do differently is not use ur real name, but if u really want to it wouldnt affect the story at all
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Post by Mickey on Feb 2, 2006 11:45:49 GMT -5
I'm using my real name because it just was how it was made 5 years ago and I didn't want to screw it all up. Thanks guys! My prologue is ALMOST finished. Theres still the picking up of Spot and Wolverine *smiles*- but they don't do anything. Oh- and Emiria talks in her god voice in anger. and thats pretty much it- though it will be long and descriptive I KNEW I had grammer mistakes. Ironically- that is probably from rping on line- because I use this "-" to sepeate thoughts a lot- see? so I just used it in the book too- I'll work on that... Thanks for the comments and keep um coming! |
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Post by Mickey on Feb 2, 2006 11:47:34 GMT -5
oh and the thing about thoughts and letter being italiziced they are- but not in here- on word they are
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Post by Weirdo/ Taki on Feb 2, 2006 20:56:30 GMT -5
Cool.
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Post by kal on Feb 2, 2006 20:59:58 GMT -5
thats cool. WOW there were alot of grammer mistakes. haha
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Post by Mickey on Feb 2, 2006 23:09:15 GMT -5
ugg I always have grammer mistakes. I'm finally getting this one right though- "definitely is definitelt not spelled definately" YAY!
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Post by <~+*power*+~> on Feb 3, 2006 17:21:20 GMT -5
both parts are great!!!! and yes i will always be looking for spelling errors- thats obvious. and you even put it in the story! lol i love it
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Post by Mickey on Feb 6, 2006 9:52:52 GMT -5
Yes I did that on purpose- " thats not how you spell phoenix" - cause it killed two prey with one blow ( hee hee- warriors). A. I get the message across that theres a reason Pheonix isn't spelled Phoenix- and B. Get the message across that erin is a Spelling Nutcase.
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Post by <~+*power*+~> on Feb 6, 2006 20:45:25 GMT -5
exactly!!!! well i'm actually not an extreme spelling nutcase....it's only when it comes to correcting you that it's most fun because of your reaction........ |
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Post by Weirdo/ Taki on Feb 6, 2006 20:47:24 GMT -5
Ah, yes, reactions are wonderful.
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Post by Mickey on Feb 7, 2006 9:42:44 GMT -5
*sticks out tongue*
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Post by <~+*power*+~> on Feb 7, 2006 22:24:12 GMT -5
*smiles angelicly* (is that a word....?)
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- Well I think it is anyway- you guys tell me what you think! 
Because you're missing an "o"
I miss cross country!!! 